


I Am Human

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 08:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17055947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Inspired by Brian Buckley’s “I am Human”.  Sam Winchester loved you, but after so many mistakes, what could he say to make you stay?  When he thinks that there is no hope, Dean comes to his rescue, reminding him what is really important in life.





	I Am Human

Sam stood in the middle of the library as he fought back the tears as you turned away from him.  You had tears of your own streaming down your cheeks at Sam’s words.  This was the second time this had happened.  You and Sam were in a happy relationship, and for some reason, there was like a switch that was flipped, and he pushed you away.  You loved Sam, so much, but when you felt him pushing you away a second time, you told him this was it.  You couldn’t handle this heart break again.

 

And he watched you walk away, down to your room, probably to pack, as he let the last bit of happiness leave his body.  He loved you, he always did, he always will.  But was love enough?  Sure, the two of you had your happy moments, but then there was the bad.  The arguments over cases, you getting hurt time and time again.  You almost died on a hunt a couple weeks ago.  He couldn’t lose you, and if pushing you away was the only way to do it, then so be it. 

 

It was his fault it was all crumbling, he was sure of it.  He felt lost in this world without you, but at the same time, when he was with you, life was so intense that he felt like he couldn’t hold on.  There were so many mistakes he had made…jokes that you had taken too seriously and cause a fight, or made you cry…that first time when he left for three weeks with no contact…the countless times he told you goodbye, because he was just so scared to lose you in any other way…

 

Sam sighed as he realized he let you down time and time again.  What was the phrase, to err was human.  Well, Sam was human alright.  He scoffed at that phrase.  Why was it people always say that when the mess up.  They never say they are human when good things happen, only when bad things do.  Like now.  He stared at the empty hallway as he let a couple tears fall.  He was human.  He messed up.  And now you were leaving…for good.  God, he couldn’t handle losing you for good.

 

He heard soft footsteps and looked up, hopeful that it was you coming back, to tell him how much you loved him, how you wanted to fight for him, but it wasn’t.  It was Dean.

 

“Care to tell me why Ana is crying her eyes out in her room?”  Dean asked as he sat down next to his brother.  To be honest, he wanted to scream at Sam, call him an idiot for all the stupid crap he has pulled, but right now…Sam needed his brother.

 

“She…she said I was pushing her away again-.”

 

“Which you are.”  Dean deadpanned. 

 

“Dean, you don’t understand…”  Sam said as he wiped the tears from his face.

 

“Yea, I do.  You are scared.  You are scared that she will get hurt because of you, that you will hurt her more than you already have, that you aren’t good enough…that sound about right?”

 

Sam just nodded at his brother as he let a couple more tears fall.  Dean was right.  All of this was going wrong because he was afraid, he was a coward.  And that was why he had to let you go…you deserved more than a coward.

 

“Sammy…have you ever thought…what would be worse?  She’s a hunter, she isn’t going to stop when she leaves here.  Do you want her to be all alone out there?  Do you want her to be alone if anything happens?  Or do you want to be by her side?” 

 

“I want to be with her, Dean. I love Ana, you know that.  But-.”

 

“No!  No buts, Sammy.  You love her.  She loves you.  That’s all that matters, damnit.  We don’t get the happily ever after, but you have the next best thing and you go and fuck it up?!” 

 

Sam squeezed his eyes closed as he listened to his brother.  Who would have ever guessed that it would be Dean’s words that would break Sam’s wall and make him see reason?

 

“Think of all the good things, Sam.  Think of all those things you love about Ana.  Those little things.  And then think of the bad, the fights, the worry.  Which one is the one you think about, which one is more important to you?  Cause if it is the worry and the bad, then let her go.  Let her go and let her heal, don’t go running back to her in a couple weeks, she deserves that much.  But if the good is more important…then you have some groveling to do, bitch.” 

 

Sam looked up to his brother in shock and awe at his brother’s wise words.  He couldn’t help the small smile that broke across his face as he muttered a soft response as Dean got up and walked out of the library.  “Jerk.”  Dean waved him off as he turned the corner and walked away, leaving Sam to his thoughts.

 

And that was where Sam sat for the next hour, thinking about Dean’s words.  Asking himself, what was truly important?  What was worth fighting for?  It only took him a matter of minutes to decide, but it took the rest of the hour to figure out what to say, praying Ana would forgive him.

 

000

 

You sat in your room with your knees curled up into your chest as you stared down at the picture on your phone.  It was one you had taken just about a month ago.  Dean had gone out on a food run while you and Sam stayed at the motel you were at for the hunt.  You had curled into Sam, each whispering your love for the other, and you snapped a photo of you both smiling at the camera. 

 

It was your favorite picture.  But now, it just broke your heart.  You loved Sam so much, why couldn’t he realize that your love for him outweighed any bad that may have been happening?  Why couldn’t he just let go of his fear?  Why did he have to keep pushing you away?

 

You let your mind spiral through those thoughts as you glanced over to the clock.  It had been a few hours since you had spoken to Sam, and every moment sense then you had spent wishing you could take your words back, just run into his arms and hold him close.  You closed your eyes as you willing the feeling into your body, of him holding you, it was then that you heard the music drift down the hallway and through your door.  You didn’t recognize the tune, but the lyrics caught your attention as it drifted in.

 

_Don’t you take me too seriously, cause one day I will be back around.  One day I will be back around._

 

The words struck your heart and made you ache.  It reminded you so much of what was happening between you and Sam…

 

_Don’t you interest yourself in things you can’t change, cause one day I will be back around.  One day I won’t be lost, I won’t be found.  I am human._

The words echoed through your room, slowly getting louder and louder as the chorus went on, singing ‘I am human’ over and over again and how someone will let you down.  It was so close to home that you wished you could whisper those words to Sam, and he to you.  Both of you had made mistakes, and you wished you could tell Sam that you didn’t care about them.  You just wanted him.  But could you really go through that heartbreak again?

 

As you thought over that question, you heard Sam’s voice come from your doorway.  You looked up and saw him standing there in his fed suit, his hair neatly tucked back, a red rose in his hand.  His eyes were filled with sadness, but also hope, and your heart pounded as he opened his mouth and softly sang along with tune.

 

_Don’t you marvel at the mountains to question the good Lord why, cause one day I will speak my goodbyes.  One day we will speak our goodbyes.  One day I won’t run, I won’t hide.  Cause I am human._

Tears filled your eyes as Sam walked into your room and knelt down on one knee in front of you, holding out the red rose.  He tucked some of your dark hair behind your ear as some of his own tears fell down as he finished singing the song.

 

_Cause I am human, I will let you down.  I think it’s funny that we say that when things don’t seem to go our way._

Sam gulped as he set the rose in your hand and held it in his larger one.  “Ana…I…I love you.  You know that.  I love you more than there are words to describe it.  And I know I keep pushing you away, pushing you out.  I keep messing up and making mistakes…”

 

He took a ragged breath as he tried to keep his emotions in check, trying to get through these words.  “It’s because I’m scared.  I’m scared that I will lose you, Ana.  Whether a hunt, or a demon, or some accident.  I’m scared that I am not good enough…I’m a coward.”

 

“No, Sam…you are not a-.”

 

“Please, I need to get through this.”  He gave you a pleading look, those beautiful hazel eyes begged you like a puppy and you just gave a silent nod.  “I love you.  And even though there has been some bad…there has also been so much good.  Like that day we spent in the motel room, cuddled up and watching movies.  When we destroyed the kitchen making smoothies.  When we go for walks out in the woods…”

 

You couldn’t help but smile at all those memories, the happiest moments in your life, any moment with Sam was considered as such in your mind. 

 

“And those moments mean more to me than anything.  And if…if you are willing to give me just one more chance…one more, Ana, please…I promise I will never push you away again.  I will try not to get so scared.  I will cherish every moment, every kiss, every touch.  I will-.”

 

You leaned forward and cut off his words by laying a soft kiss to his lips.  You pressed against him as you ran your fingers through his hair, and moved your legs to each side of him, effectively wrapping yourself up around him.  He stiffened at first, seemingly unsure of your reaction, but then quickly wrapped his arms around you, returning the kiss with every ounce he had to give. 

 

When you pulled away, you rested your head against his and smiled.  “I love you, Sam.  And I want you, I want this…but promise me, promise me, Sam.  Promise you will believe me when I say that you are good enough, you are strong enough, loving enough.  And if you ever doubt that, you come to me, and I will set you straight.”  Your eyes shined as he gave you a dimple filled grin as he stared up at you.

 

You could see the happiness and joy in his eyes, as if he didn’t really believe you would ever give him another chance.  “I promise, Ana.  I promise all that and more.” 


End file.
